Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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