i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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