Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize