Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
