Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
