we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love accidental penises.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this hospital has no fireball
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I believe in your delicious
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
