my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
