The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
