You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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