Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
