Yo dont text me then not text me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
