just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
