i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
