I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
