Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
