I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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