is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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