he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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