If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
