the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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