We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
