Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
tell me about the fingering
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