it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dicks are not precious.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
