as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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