I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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