How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
