The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
