i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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