A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Come share oat with me in your robe
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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