I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish there were birth control emojis
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
