I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
