Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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