Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
