Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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