At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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