my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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