drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
