At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
