You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
