I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize