break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
