I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
