WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
