my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
