Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
