Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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