okay pat passed out under dana's car
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
