I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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