haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
