erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
