I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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