I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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