I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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