I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
