i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
