Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
