I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
