You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
