WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
