thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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