"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The beer is more important than you right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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