Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
