kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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